“You don’t know me, but I need to tell you a story that’s been stabbing deeply into my chest.
You see I’m… I’m what you would call a country. No, I’m not a huge mass of land caused by the movement of tectonic plates; I’m a personification of those masses. I won’t tell you which I am, only that I’ve lived for much longer than a lot of the other countries. And I… Well… I have a secret that I’m not proud of.
I… I killed a man.
To be honest, I’ve killed a lot of men. War after war and the callous bloodshed will never end. But this time was different.
This time it was another country.
Now you see, when two countries fight in a war, once their boss has died or given up, the country will fall to their knees and admit defeat. But not this time. This time, the country I killed disappeared before my eyes… And almost suddenly, the land mass of which they represented had been divided into the countries surrounding him, making them grow older, wiser, and stronger.
I remember the war well… It was centuries ago, yet it is one of the dark time which stick so drastically in my mind. You have to help me. You have to let me tell this story. Usually, I’m the type to seem carefree and enjoy my everlasting life, but I have secrets, and I have experiences I wish to let go and destroy. One of these experiences is the death of a country I was responsible for.
I killed him.
I just wanted him to stop before he became too strong to take over, only to fall through his own damn power! … Like the Great Roman Empire… But instead I… I stopped him from even growing into a beautiful country. The thousands of people who once lived innocently in that country’s arms… They all died because of me.
What’s worse was the life this country had beforehand. I knew him pretty well, and we got along fine until he started hurting my little brother. But, even when he was bullying him, he only did it because he couldn’t express his true emotions. His tender love for my little brother. What if my little brother had gone with him? I would have had to attack them both.
I’d rather die than hurt my family.
Every night during the war, I’d wallow in self hatred, but my boss had made his words final. There was nothing I could do but follow. Our eternal life is nothing but an eternal slavery to the humans who live. Once one dies, a new one follows. Most of the time, the bosses are quite well presented and can take care of us, but every now and again, one who wants to change the entire face of the world shows. This time, he wanted to use the power the other country was claiming in order to do as such.
He wanted me to rid the country for good. So that’s exactly what I did.
When my sword pierced through his child-like pale skin, I knew something was wrong. As the deathly red blood stained the ice metal like a sickly canvas, I remember my eyes widening in trepidation. What had I done?! The paling of his cheeks, and when he craned his neck to face me – to see who had brought his demise – had told me the answer.
I killed him… I killed him! I fucking had killed him!
SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE!
I’m sorry, I… I don’t mean to raise my voice… I’m just so full of self-loathing that I tend to break, despite trying my hardest to cover it up… Most people believe I love myself to even say I’m a narcissist. Not like my actual narcissistic friend, but close. The truth is I hate my decisions. I’ve done so many things that I’m not proud of, and this is one of those things that I so desperately need to confess.
But the one person I need to confess to… Is my little brother. He doesn’t know what happened… But how can I tell him? Please… I couldn’t bare to see him cry, to see him mourn… Or for him to hate me for what I’ve done, even if it was an accident.
I just need a way out…
I need a way out…
A way out…
Because I’m a trapped boat setting out in stormy seas. Not even my sails, my moat, or my frame can save me. Someone needs to fix me. I need to be repaired. But the only way I will no longer need repairing is by calming the drastic ocean waves.
The waves of my emotion. The waves of my memories. The waves I’m forced to ride until my death.”