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Submitted on
January 31
Submitted with Writer


14 (who?)
“You don’t know me, but I need to tell you a story that’s been stabbing deeply into my chest.

You see I’m… I’m what you would call a country. No, I’m not a huge mass of land caused by the movement of tectonic plates; I’m a personification of those masses. I won’t tell you which I am, only that I’ve lived for much longer than a lot of the other countries. And I… Well… I have a secret that I’m not proud of.

I… I killed a man.

To be honest, I’ve killed a lot of men. War after war and the callous bloodshed will never end. But this time was different.
This time it was another country.

Now you see, when two countries fight in a war, once their boss has died or given up, the country will fall to their knees and admit defeat. But not this time. This time, the country I killed disappeared before my eyes… And almost suddenly, the land mass of which they represented had been divided into the countries surrounding him, making them grow older, wiser, and stronger.

I remember the war well… It was centuries ago, yet it is one of the dark time which stick so drastically in my mind. You have to help me. You have to let me tell this story. Usually, I’m the type to seem carefree and enjoy my everlasting life, but I have secrets, and I have experiences I wish to let go and destroy. One of these experiences is the death of a country I was responsible for.

I killed him.

I just wanted him to stop before he became too strong to take over, only to fall through his own damn power! … Like the Great Roman Empire… But instead I… I stopped him from even growing into a beautiful country. The thousands of people who once lived innocently in that country’s arms… They all died because of me.

What’s worse was the life this country had beforehand. I knew him pretty well, and we got along fine until he started hurting my little brother. But, even when he was bullying him, he only did it because he couldn’t express his true emotions. His tender love for my little brother. What if my little brother had gone with him? I would have had to attack them both.

I’d rather die than hurt my family.

Every night during the war, I’d wallow in self hatred, but my boss had made his words final. There was nothing I could do but follow. Our eternal life is nothing but an eternal slavery to the humans who live. Once one dies, a new one follows. Most of the time, the bosses are quite well presented and can take care of us, but every now and again, one who wants to change the entire face of the world shows. This time, he wanted to use the power the other country was claiming in order to do as such.
He wanted me to rid the country for good. So that’s exactly what I did.

When my sword pierced through his child-like pale skin, I knew something was wrong. As the deathly red blood stained the ice metal like a sickly canvas, I remember my eyes widening in trepidation. What had I done?! The paling of his cheeks, and when he craned his neck to face me – to see who had brought his demise – had told me the answer.

I killed him… I killed him! I fucking had killed him!


I’m sorry, I… I don’t mean to raise my voice… I’m just so full of self-loathing that I tend to break, despite trying my hardest to cover it up… Most people believe I love myself to even say I’m a narcissist. Not like my actual narcissistic friend, but close. The truth is I hate my decisions. I’ve done so many things that I’m not proud of, and this is one of those things that I so desperately need to confess.

But the one person I need to confess to… Is my little brother. He doesn’t know what happened… But how can I tell him? Please… I couldn’t bare to see him cry, to see him mourn… Or for him to hate me for what I’ve done, even if it was an accident.

I just need a way out…

I need a way out…

A way out…

Because I’m a trapped boat setting out in stormy seas. Not even my sails, my moat, or my frame can save me. Someone needs to fix me. I need to be repaired. But the only way I will no longer need repairing is by calming the drastic ocean waves.
The waves of my emotion. The waves of my memories. The waves I’m forced to ride until my death.”
This is a short story I decided to write on my train journey to work. The whole point was for me not to tell you who it is, but give you... Subtle (Totally subtle) hints. Who do you think is making the confession, and about who?

I might make another soon actually... Since I got another country and his confession in my mind.
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PrincessAutumnArcher Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Student General Artist

Gorgeous! This just tore at my heartstrings  and the way you portrayed onii-san's pain was just so beautiful, and---:iconsobbplz:

So, I'm going to be honest here; at first, I thought narrator was Prussia, but then when I got past 'little brother' and saw 'child-like, pale skin' in reference to the enemy, I thought, "Italy! Ding!" and then (since I actually do enjoy history, contrary to what most of the fandom would have people believe), I remembered Napoleon and the whole revolutionary wars and the Napoleonic Era, so I must say that you have destroyed my feels :iconfranceplz:!

xlilslayerx Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
Aw, I'm so sorry, poppet! :iconcomfortplz: But I'm glad you liked it. Honestly, I very much enjoy history too, which is what I use for most of my Hetalia stories. Anyway, you got the entire thing perfect~ But...

:iconcrycryplz: Mon amour!!
PrincessAutumnArcher Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Student General Artist
Yay! Francis is just so ridiculously, perpetually attractive in all ways, and your writing just makes him even better! You, chérie, have an amazing gift! The angst, though, reduced me to I'm going to read the French version that you posted and probably melt into a puddle of France-obsessed tears...~^^
xlilslayerx Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
It's nothing like how utterly amazing your work is though! Also... *o* Do you actually speak/read fluent French?
PrincessAutumnArcher Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Student General Artist

You're so sweet!

Weeellllll......I'm not fluent, by any means, but I am in an advanced level French program at school and I study on my own too, since I really want to take this school-sponsored trip to France and you have to make a high enough score on a standardized French exam that's actually by native French professors and such, so....Hehe, in summary, I can muddle my way through most things with about 90% accuracy. :iconsweatplz: I don't know all the tenses though, so my skills are a bit limited.

xlilslayerx Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
That's still so amazing~ >w< I dropped French back in school, so I'm trying to teach myself now. Which is why I upload the stories; people who can speak French can show me where I've made my biggest mistakes so I can remember for next time.

But a school-sponsored trip to France? That's so cool! My school didn't get those sort of luxuries lol. I just know you'll get awesome results and will be able to go~!
PrincessAutumnArcher Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student General Artist

Haha, well, your mistakes are pretty minor, so good work! If you ever need any help, just ask; I'm happy to lend a hand!

Aww, you're so sweet! I think that if I ever go back to England, for whatever reason, I will seek you out and glomp you repeatedly~! (Please don't take that creepily, I'm not really sure how to convey humor over the internet...):XD:

xlilslayerx Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014
:iconiloveyouplz: Thank you so much~!

:XD: Actually, I was going to suggest that when you go to France, you can make a pit-stop here so I can forever glomp you~! (=3= You'd never creep me out. I'm usually the creeper. >w>)
ChocolateTurnip Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014

I think I've got it. France is narrating. He killed the Holy Roman Empire in the Napoleonic Wars. And he knows that he has to confess it to Italy, the one HRE was in love with.

(Great story, by the way. Nicely written, well-placed angst that wasn't too over the top). 

xlilslayerx Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
:iconletmehugyouplz: You got it PERFECT~! YAY~!! And thank you so much! :meow:
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